So much I would like to write, but I am not able to stop the filter.

My mind is like a cave or collection of caves. Visitors can only be shown to a certain depth, and then it’s a no go zone. Some of the caves I have not even visited. I would like to be able to shine light in there and banish the dark. I would like to have someone see the caves and say they look normal, or even beautiful. But I am also afraid of the caves and of other s seeing what is in them. That they will run.

Thinking about how to be ‘better’ at therapy. I want to be better. I’m afraid I will become stuck and am just treading water. Waiting. For what?

I want: to to feel real happiness; freedom; to not be afraid of myself; to be comfortable and like myself; to feel genuine. How. I’m not sure I am working to that?