By explaining what happened and saying it out loud to a person means it will explain thing, explain why I’m so fucked up and hopeless and ugly. But maybe I don’t think, or I doubt, that whoever hears it will agree, or believe it, or think that it does explain me. And maybe that’s what I’m concerned about, that people will reflect what I actually really think which is that it doesn’t explain me and that I am just like this and that perhaps it caused what happened to happen.