Can I even do it? Do you think I can do it?

Ive made such a big deal about it now, and it may not seem like much after all. Which now also adds to the why I shouldnt talk about what he did. It won’t be anything you haven’t heard before, so what am I worried about? I feel like it looks like I have made a bigger issue that what it is, and spent so much time on it, which I’m embarrassed about.

I always think there must be something wrong with me, like being illiterate, I am not able to talk. Or maybe I’m just telling myself that so I don’t have to do the work. I don’t think it’s laziness. Perhaps fear; I don’t want to be that person, that disappointing, used, nothing, waste.

Its a bit of a no win situation: you don’t believe me and that confirms I’m nobody, you believe me and I may not trust that, you believe me and therefore you see what they made me and what is me, you don’t care and that confirms how horrible I am, you do care and I feel responsible for that and for giving this to you.