One of the times I went to hospital due to unmanageable pain from my endometriosis, they wanted to do an internal , vaginal ultrasound 

I was already in so much pain I couldn’t walk, but agreed to it. 

The woman who did it was great, really kind, but she had to do it and it was so painful. I found it so traumatic, the way I had to sit and stay there while she moved the reader or whatever it’s called around inside me. I was crying and moaning, I felt so sick and sweating but I’d already vomited everything up. 

That combination of things, being so stuck and in pain and I guess feeling vulnerable reminded me of my brother in law. That experience really helped me make the later decision to have the hysterectomy. I did not want to ever feel that or be placed in that position again (literally or figuratively). 

And I still have anger at 💍 for questioning my decision, for saying I hadn’t thought enough about it, for saying it was such an extreme measure. I knew the decision was right and was angry that even if she couldn’t agree, I felt that my decision about my body wasn’t respected and that the experiences I had with it were mine from which to draw on, not her ideas or experiences. Sure, she didn’t know about the brother in law but I was expecting my decision and my ability to make the best decision for me to be more accepted. 

I had to do it, not only because of the pain that I was really sick of, and it was getting worse, but because it did effect my mental health. I have never regretted the decision.