Caught in no-person’s land. I cant seem to live and yet I’m alive.

In the same week I buy yet more vintage fabric to make things that I never make.

I also apply for an application to apply for a gun licence.

In the same week I book into an 8 week philosophy starting in July.

I also purchased a book from exit international and make inquiries about obtaining nembutal online.

I have moments of happiness but I am so deeply unhappy and angry.

I am too fat, yet I drink and eat too much. I cant exercise without great anxiety and distress.

I am so tired but I don’t sleep.

I’m capable and funny and reliable at work, but I’m useless and boring and fake everywhere else.

I cannot connect. I cant yell, I cant talk. I am so broken. I need someone and something to help but i don’t believe that is possible. I don’t believe anyone can or truly wants to. I certainly am not able to fix me.

I cannot reconcile my ‘experiences’ with today. But I need to do something with them and it.

How. When.