I feel like I’m getting more and more trapped in this hopeless life I have created. Why am I married? Why am I in therapy? Why do I have friends? As it has always been, Ive done enough to get by, but it is never quite enough to really change. I’ve never been able to get away from who I am and what I was made.

I want to yell and scream and tell everyone. I want to run away and hide and be invisible.

I want to take oblivion producing drugs. I want to get high and laugh and not care.

Yep, feeling a bit desperate. So what to do? Its not that I don’t want to be different, just not sure I can be.

Why do I become so inarticulate when I’m feeling like this?