My father fucked me, he used me, he abused me.

So what that I can say that. It doesn’t mean anything. Saying it doesn’t alter it. It doesn’t make it less than what it is.

No-one really wants to hear that anyway.

It doesn’t mean what I see, or feel from this side. No words can do that. If it was represented in a picture book, no-one would read it, why would you. There is no way of telling that and therefore no way of hearing it or understanding it. If I can’t explain it or understand, how can anyone else understand or comprehend it?

If it is really so bad and shocking, why aren’t people shocked? Maybe I’m waiting and wanting outrage and anger and revenge on my behalf? Not acceptance and ‘support’. That’s just acknowledging what a hopeless person I am because of it.

I know practically that if I action revenge that my life is at an end, but it will also give me a win, albeit briefly, where I am justified and in control and heard.