Sometimes I can see things he’s doing and it’s not me – I know its me but I’m watching from the ceiling corner of the room. I can see but there’s no sound and its like a thick wall of glass between me and them.

For most of my life, from when I was a teenager at least, there have been periods when I would have intense anxiety where I would be in that position looking down at them and then I would be rushing or flying towards them and be so close my face would almost be touching them, and then I would be rushing away, and that would go back and forth until it was so quick I could hardly breathe.

Maybe because sometimes it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Of course I could, I’m still here but it wasnt great, particularly if i cried.

I guess it was a good skill to have learned, which I have been able to use when in situations I have not wanted to be in.