How boring, pathetic and self centered I must appear.  And how often did I feel that as a kid. “No one cares about what you want, think of [insert more needy/more important person/group” or just “others” is always a good blanketing guilt. 

Maybe I will just continue to create unhappiness and dissatisfaction in my life, so no matter what I have externally or what I change internally, there will always be me that it’s not enough for . 

I don’t recall a period in my life when I haven’t felt anxiety, disgust, self loathing and just managing to not let the overwhelming take over. There were certainly instances and times when I either didn’t feel it or was able to minimize it, but it’s always just there waiting, even since I got away from them. Perhaps that brain groove has been too well created and set. 

And let’s take a check, I really haven’t gotten away from them. I physically moved but they are with me every day, influencing how I live, they are still in me and a part of me. I don’t want that, but there is nothing I can do to extract them and what they did from me. 

Same old blab.