Some days there are specific incidents, acts, words or feelings from my past that rise up and challenge me. They challenge my ability to go to work, contribute, be a friend, be in a relationship. They challenge and quash what I know for others and what intellectually I know about myself- that I’m ok and strong and have gotten to this point through some skill and agency of my own.
Some days it’s just a whole fog of oppressive history so thick I can’t reach through to the outside. I feel a pain that immobilizes me and silences me. The disconnect from others is too familiar and feeds the isolation and belief in my lack of worth and purpose. Today is one of those days. What am I doing? What’s the point? I can’t see out of this dark cave where all those people live.
Just let go? What if I’m not holding, rather it has permeated every part of me.
If I Talk 