I am the things they said or wanted me to be: hopeless, irrelevant, annoying, stupid. I know that sounds drab. But even that I am writing and feeling like this supports it.
I keep thinking about where I can go, what I can do, how can I stop this. None of the options seem viable or helpful.
The crushing walls are closing in, funneling me in one direction. The experience of last week was so distressing, I don’t want to have that again. The path to where I got to seems much shorter now.
I don’t want to be like this and that is what has driven me towards change, but I can’t keep doing it if there is no change.
If I Talk 