I’m really scared I can’t change, that I won’t be able to let it go, that I can’t let someone help me, that I’ll always push away.
It’s quite surreal to appear fairly normal yet have a raging internal conflict between wanting people to actually love me and see me and know what he did and know what I think and feel and still want to be connected to me, and afraid of people and not believing them and not trusting them and keeping them away, and also not having my own thoughts and wants.
My head hurts but it’s not pain. I feel sick. It feels like I could step over into rage or depression or hysteria quite easily.
There seems too many thoughts to work through.
If I Talk 